Sunday, April 25, 2021

Dark Are the Shadows (BTVS/Dark Shadows)

  Dark are the Shadows 

a BTVS & Dark Shadows crossover (maybe more)
Ms. Hunter Ash

rating: PG13
Pairings: Buffy/Quentin; Giles/Angelique, Willow/Tara, Xander/Anya, Barnabas/Roxanne, Maggie/Joe, Julia/Thomas


# # # #


COLLINSPORT, MAINE



Maggie turned the lights outside the diner off and pulled the shades while everyone continued talking.



“You're actually serious that Barnabas and Julia are vampires?” Caleb asked with a frown. “Going to turn into a bat and prove that?”



“No, I don't feel like it,” Barnabas said.



His voice was calm but Carolyn knew by the clenched jaw that Barnabas wasn't amused.



“Be polite, Caleb,” Joe scolded. “I know it's impossible to believe but... we've seen a lot of things over the years.”



“Joe still has scars from an attack by a werewolf,” Maggie added. “Sorry, Amy, I...”



“It's okay,” Amy said with a slight smile. “I know what happened to Chris, his victims and to Sabrina.”



“A werewolf?” Caleb asked.



“My older brother was a werewolf,” Amy said. “A family curse. He took measures to protect people on full moons but the lock on the cage broke and he killed his wife. The next morning he killed himself and I came back to Collinwood and Joe helped raise me. We're cousins. We were also lucky that Chris didn't bite him as the werewolf.”



Roxanne leaned her head on Barnabas' shoulder. “I can state that Barnabas is a vampire. I know I'm a bit pale and look like I've had a good round of the flu. I haven't.” She pulled her turtleneck aside to show the policeman her fang wounds.



“I thought you didn't hurt humans?” Caleb protested.



“Well, I can also state that it wasn't because he looks at me like a cow,” Roxanne said. “I agree to taking our relationship to that level and I will join him eventually.”



“This is...really hard to believe,” Caleb said after a moment.



“Carolyn or Maggie, either of you have a mirror in your purse?” Julia asked.



Barnabas smiled. “That's how you proved to yourself that your theory about me was right.”



“I do,” Carolyn said. “Here you go, Caleb. Check out Barnabas and Julia with this.”



Caleb took the compact and turned in his seat with the mirror and moved it to take in the other side of the room.



Joe wasn't surprised when his son blinked in surprise and turned to look over his shoulder and then back in the mirror. Joe wondered how Roxanne leaning on Barnabas' shoulder looked in a mirror. Pretty odd, he'd wager.



Roxanne sat up when she felt Barnabas' muscles tighten and she saw Thomas move his chair back slightly. More room to jump to Julia's defense, no doubt.



Caleb turned around slowly and set the mirror down. “You've been this way since....?”



Barnabas hesitated. Many at the table knew when he first died, others like Amy and Joe didn't.



“Barnabas became ill in 1971,” Julia said. “So did I. His illness was caused by a sorcerer we had defeated several times before. I wasn't able to stake him before the curse took hold.”



“I found her dying and she asked to join me,” Barnabas continued. "I had been cursed earlier but recovered, then the sorcerer brought the curse back."



"This is...."



"Just take it slow, Caleb," Joe said. "It's overwhelming at first."



"Let's head on home, Joe," Maggie suggested. "We can answer most of his questions. Everyone, thank you, very much. This was a great evening."



"This is wild," Caleb muttered.



"What it means is that Barnabas and Julia use their unique conditions to help others," Joe said as everyone stood up. "We'll answer anything tonight."



"Why tell me?" Caleb asked.



"If anything happens to Joe and me...." Maggie said, hesitating. "We want you to know that our cousins and our family have some unusual members and protectors and that you can trust them."



"I can trust them?" Caleb asked with a frown.



"You are more of a danger to us than we are to you," Julia responded. "You're family."



"They've protected us over the years," Maggie said. "Even when we didn't know what Barnabas was the first time he was cursed."



“We didn't know they were still alive and they've kept an eye on all of us,” Joe added.



“Why come out of the shadows?” Caleb asked as the group walked to the door.



“We miss our family,” Barnabas said. “We've kept everyone at arms length, Carolyn was told that I was the son of the Barnabas she knew. When we were about to face down ancient, powerful and evil deities and a sorcerer we've had problems with before, well, Carolyn let me know that she knew the truth about us and she missed us.”



“I was terrified I wouldn't get to see them at least one last time,” Carolyn commented. “I knew they stayed away because they wouldn't be able to explain to anyone who saw them.”



“And then I did see Barnabas and he risked telling your father and me,” Maggie explained.



“I trust Mom and Dad,” Caleb said. “I'm not sure I'm going to tell my wife, though.”



“Why not?” Julia asked.



“She's... really religious at times,” Caleb said. “It's going to be one hell of a Christmas vacation.”



"That's an understatement," Carolyn muttered as was pushed back into the diner when Joe opened the door for her. He struggled with the door as the wind caught and held it open with snow blinding him.



Barnabas rushed past a stunned Carolyn and pulled Joe inside and worked the door closed. "Where the hell did that come from? Another white-out wasn't in the forecast, was it?"



"Not that I heard," Joe said as Carolyn shook her head. "Are you okay?"



"Yeah, that was startling," Carolyn responded. "Well, lets find out how long this is going to last. The weather is insane this year!"



Maggie went near a window and accessed her phone.



"Barnabas," Roxanne whispered as she dusted the snow off his cloak. "You won't be able to feed again tonight."



"I'll survive one night," he responded. "You can't donate again so soon."



Maggie closed her phone with a sigh. "This little surprise will probably last until 8am. At least this place is connected to the hotel. Come on, everyone, let's get some rooms. Barnabas and Roxanne can book one for the day, Julia and Thomas another. Everyone else can head out in the morning."



"It's almost a good thing our California friends aren't here," Joe said with a chuckle. "Two whiteouts and they'd never come back during the winter."



"I just hope they can come out for Christmas," Amy commented.





# # # #



Giles sighed as the gathered group at the mansion looked over a large map of Sunnydale. "Unfortunately, there are a lot of places where demons hide, even one as noticeable as this one. Its handler or partner is either a sorcerer is a demon that can appear human which means a demon could be living in a house with the human."



Mark Hampton frowned. "Damnit. We still have no answers on what kind of demon that thing is."



Hector Lopez shook his head. “Maybe with you two here we can find the damned duo.”



"We don't even know if your potential was targeted or if it was a random attack," Giles commented. "I don't know where to look for either of those creatures."



"I'll hit Willie's bar tonight and I'll call Angel, maybe he and Spike can get some intell on what and where," Buffy suggested.



Giles nodded. "Let's hope something breaks soon. And your mother and sister should be here shortly."



"Awesome, your other friend isn't coming out?"



"Not just yet," Giles said calmly. They both knew the reasons why were sitting at the table with the Watcher and Slayer.



"I hear a car," Watcher Angela Farnsworth said and both Buffy and Giles smiled.



"Good," Giles as everyone stood up.



Dawn smiled as she opened the door and pulled her rolling luggage inside. "Hi!"



"Hey, runt," Buffy responded. "Hey, Mom."



"Hello," Joyce said and walked over to Giles and they kissed for several moments. "I missed you too."



Buffy's smile widened when Quentin walked in and she hugged him tightly. "No frost bite in areas that would make me unhappy?" she whispered.



Quentin laughed and glanced at the group of strangers.



"Ladies and gentlemen, may I present my wife, Joyce Summers," Giles said. "This is Dawn Summers and that is Quentin, Buffy's boyfriend and someone who has helped us greatly in our recent troubles."



"The pleasure is ours," Mark Hampton said. "I'm Mark Hampton, that is Dr. Sam Grimm, Angela Farnsworth, Liu Wong and Hector Lopez. We're with the Council."



"Pleasure," Joyce said. "Where is everyone else?"



"Tara is still out of state helping Gunn from Angel's group with a case," Giles said. "Willow is getting some books from my old apartment with Anya and Xander."



"We need to form a moving party this weekend," Buffy suggested.



"I agree," Joyce said. "A lot of his stuff can come here instead of storage."



"Not a problem," Giles said. "She prefers a mundane approach in furnishings and decorations over books and weapons."



"You and Buffy can have a couple of pieces in reach," Joyce said. "But I've been to your apartment, Rupert."



Giles chuckled.



"I'm going to go and check out the gallery," Joyce informed him.



"Don't be out after dark for too long," Giles suggested with a frown.



"I'll go with her," Dawn said. "I can scream really loudly."



"Best believe that one!"





# # # #



COLLINSPORT, MAINE



Barnabas watched the snow hitting the window of the hotel room as the winds howled outside.



He flinched slightly when Roxanne touched his arm.



"Barnabas?"



"Nothing," he said softly and turned to look at her and he attempted to smile.



"You need blood," Roxanne said, it was more of a statement than a question. "You've been needing it more frequently than usual."



"Since I was injured so badly on that tower," Barnabas agreed. "And I am not feeding from you tonight. We run the risk of you crossing back over into being a vampire if this keeps happening every night. I will survive a night without blood."



"Barnabas... we've been through this," Roxanne said with a sigh. "I want to join you, damnit. I know you would prefer not to be a vampire. It is what it is, my love. You are a vampire and I want to become one again so I can be with you."



"Not tonight," Barnabas said. "Not only am I not settled with this we can't have you....dying here. That would be very hard to explain tomorrow. With me as the undead and unable to respond if someone opens that door and you inbetween death and the undead."



Roxanne frowned but nodded after a moment. "All right. We can't ask someone to watch over us tomorrow. With me being still being human I can answer the door if need be."



"Now, I'm going to roam the halls for a few minutes," her lover said and gently kissed her. "Let me....brood for a bit and work on my control."



"Don't be long, Heathcliff."



Barnabas was chuckling as he walked out into the hall.





# # # #



SUNNYDALE, CALIFORNIA



Joyce unlocked the door to the gallery and picked up the mail from the floor. "Sarah brought in a couple of new pieces in she was anxious for me to see."



"Cool," Dawn said.



"I need to get the important mail and we'll head back to the mansion and pick up Rupert," Joyce said. "Now, what pieces did she bring in..... oh god."



"Mom?"



"Call Buffy and Rupert, quickly," Joyce said softly. "And back out the door."



Dawn started to turn to get out of the gallery and squeaked when she bumped into someone standing just behind her. She bounced back slightly off the young man's duster.



He was smiling.



"Mom!"



Dawn glanced back at the sound of.... something scraping across a mirror and saw what could only be the demon Anya and Xander had seen and it was stepping off a display pedestal.



"Hi, ladies."





# # # #





COLLINSPORT, MAINE



Barnabas sat down on the back inner steps of the hotel and rubbed his temples.



"Hello, cousin."



Barnabas raised his head and frowned. "Carolyn? What on earth are you doing here?"



"I came to find you," she said as she sat down next to him.



"Uh, tonight isn't a good time to chat," Barnabas said softly.



"I had a chat with Roxanne," Carolyn said.



"Are you two conspiring?" Barnabas asked.



"Yes," Carolyn admitted. "Your hands were shaking at dinner and you're looking older. You've barely been feeding. We need you stable, Barnabas."



"Is that some psychic foreshadowing?" he asked.



"No, me being cautious," Carolyn replied. "So much has happened lately. I'd rather have my very strong cousins at full strength just in case something else weird happens."



"Carolyn...."



"I trust you, Barnabas."



"Even when I don't trust myself?"



"Yes," Carolyn said firmly. "You were desperate the first time and didn't harm me. I trust you."



"I'm not going to win this argument with the two of you, am I?" he asked after a few moments.



"No, we care too much," Carolyn said with a smile.



"The curse was those who love me, die," Barnabas whispered.



"We all die, Barnabas," Carolyn replied. "Some of us just don't stay that way, apparently. Did you ever think that you and Josette weren't meant to be?"



"What?" Barnabas asked as she turned to sit sideways so she could look at him. "It was Angelique that kept us apart."



"Maybe it was fate that she died before you two could really have a life," Carolyn suggested. "Illness, childbirth, accident. Maybe it just wasn't going to last."



"We'll never know," Barnabas said.



"Come on, let's get you stable," Carolyn said as she stood up and extended her hand.



Barnabas hesitated and then took her hand.





# # # #



SUNNYDALE, CALIFORNIA



Buffy yanked the door to the gallery open.



“Be careful!” Giles urged as he followed her into the darkened business.



“You didn't hear Dawnie scream,” Buffy said and held her sword at the ready while Giles racked a bullet into his semi-automatic pistol.



Buffy hadn't protested that Slayers and Watchers didn't use firearms.



“Dad! Buffy! In the office!”



“Dawnie,” Buffy said softly and quickly crossed the room but slowed as she reached the door. She peered around the door and sighed with relief.



Her sister was holding her Mom as Joyce sat behind the desk crying.



“Mom?”



Giles followed Buffy into the office for a moment and then headed back towards the front door.



Joyce looked up and smiled. “I'm all right, just a little shook up.”



“What happened?” Buffy asked as Giles walked back in.



“I locked the front door,” he said as he clicked on the safety of his pistol.



“Dawn and I walked in and I saw that creature with the glass and mirrors for skin,” Joyce said. “I told Dawn to get out and the boy was blocking the doorway.”



“I managed to hit speed dial on my phone but the thing reached for Mom,” Dawn continued. “I didn't know if you heard us or not.”



“How did you two get away?” Giles asked.



“We didn't,” Joyce said with a sigh. “The....thing grabbed and held me and the boy grabbed Dawn's arms. He smiled at me and said 'be afraid' and.... I was. I saw... something.”



“What?” Giles asked gently as he reached across the desk and held her hands.


Buffy wondered where he had made the pistol disappear to....



“Buffy was trying to protect me because I couldn't fight against a group of vampires and...” Joyce hesitated and wiped at her eyes again. “She couldn't stop all of them.”



Joyce squeezed Giles' hands.



“Then the boy was angry and he reached out and knocked over a vase that was next to the door,” Joyce continued. “He yelled at me, he demanded to know why my fear wasn't crippling and didn't give him a boost.”



“Xander was shown one of his worst fears and was frozen,” Giles said with a frown. “Yours didn't send you into a spiral.”



“No, I've already lived through it,” Joyce said softly. “Buffy gave her life to save Dawn. I wouldn't expect anything less for any of us including for me.”



“What happened then?” Buffy asked.



“He reached for the matching vase on the other side and Dawn spun and slapped him and then kicked him between the legs,” Joyce responded with a smile. “The creature loosened its grip on me and I tried to get away and grabbed it's necklace. The boy yelled and hit Dawn and then me and led the thing out of the gallery.”



“Necklace?” Giles asked. “Was it a medallion with some sort of design on it?”



“Yes, I think I can remember the symbol too, at least one side of it,” Joyce said and frowned when Giles smiled. “What?”



“I know what the thing is, Willow sent me a text earlier telling me her suspicion about the creature and I believe she is right,” Giles said.



“So what was her theory?” Buffy asked.



“That it's a golem,” Giles answered. “A creature that was....made from inanimate matter. A sorcerer imbibes the creation with life and it obeys him or her totally. Remove the sorcerer's symbol and the creature loses it's life. There's a Jewish legend about a rabbi creating a golem out of mud to protect Jews in the ghetto in Prague from Christian massacres.”



“Jews in ghettos?” Dawn questioned.



“That's where the term comes from,” Giles said. “Jews were forced to live in specific areas of towns, often behind walls and guarded gates. Occasionally the Christian citizens would rise up and riot against their Jewish neighbors, usually on Easter and Christmas.”



“Why?”



“Because Jews wouldn't convert and, therefore, they rejected the Messiah in the viewpoint of the Christians,” Giles explained.



“Back to mirror golem,” Buffy interrupted. “How do we stop it?”



“With a bazooka or grab the necklace and pull it off,” Giles suggested. “As for the boy... he wanted a boost of energy from Joyce's fear. That implies he's either a sorcerer or a demon that feeds on fear. Can you draw the symbol?”



“Yes,” Joyce said and pulled her hands back.



“Let's get them back to the mansion,” Buffy suggested. “You can do your research thing and get the other Watchers researching every single thing about golems that you can and what that kid might be.”



# # # #



COLLINSPORT, MAINE



"Carolyn.... I don't know about this," Barnabas said as she closed the door to her hotel room. "I shouldn't have preyed on you those years ago."



"You were desperate," Carolyn said and sat down on the bed. "This is me helping a family member in need."



"You are a remarkable woman, Carolyn Stoddard-Hawkes," Barnabas said as he sat down next to her. He kissed her forehead and moved down to her neck.



The mistress of Collinwood flinched as fangs pierced her skin.





# # # #



SUNNYDALE, CALIFORNIA



Giles leaned back in his chair and pulled his glasses off and rubbed at his eyes.



"You've been putting in long hours over those books and computer sites," Joyce commented as she walked up behind him and began rubbing his shoulders. "Take a break, Ru."



"All right," Giles said softly. "Willow should be here soon, she can take over the computer things. One thing that's puzzling me is the lack of victims."



"What do you mean?" Joyce asked.



"The only victims we know of are Raquel and her Watcher," Giles explained. "Usually something like that attempts to rack up a number of victims.



"Are you making any progress?" Joyce asked.



"I'm narrowing down demons and deities that seem to thrive on fear," Giles said. "It's a bit hard to pin down. The list of entities that are obviously feeding on fear has few names. I'm working on those and then expand out to those who love to cause chaos and terror and who might actually be feeding on that."



"Dawn and I are making dinner here for everyone," Joyce told him. "My pot roast has been cooking for awhile."



"And it smells delicious," Giles responded.



"Xander seems to be doing better," Joyce commented.



"He does," Giles agreed. "Getting back to work and staying inside after dark is helping. I've been refreshing my memory about golems and this one puzzles me as well. The golems in the legends were made out clay. Is this one made out of clay with mirrors all over the golem and why mirrors? How the hell do we get that necklace off his neck? It's just..."



"Come help me set the table for dinner," Joyce urged.



"Absolutely."





# # # #



COLLINSPORT, MAINE



Barnabas pulled the blanket up to Carolyn's chin and kissed her forehead. "Thank you, cousin," he whispered.



He stepped out into the hallway of the hotel. Barnabas managed to keep from looking surprised to find Caleb Haskell outside of the young man's door.



"I thought you're with Roxanne," Caleb said.



"I am, I was talking with my cousin," Barnabas responded.



"Barnabas, come lay down for a bit with me," Roxanne called from the doorway of their room.



"Please excuse me," Barnabas said to Caleb only to have Caleb grab his arm.



"My mom has scars on her neck," Caleb said softly.



Barnabas looked down at the hand on his arm and back to Caleb.



"I wasn't the only vampire in Collinsport," Barnabas said. "Ask your mother, Tom Jennings was killed and turned into a vampire and I was human. I saved Julia from him and I became a victim of the vampire that had turned him. I almost died but Julia saved me. I don't kill people for their blood and I strive to remain on the side of light even when I knew I'd be injured or most likely killed."



"The scarring around your eyes?" Caleb asked as he pulled his hand back.



Barnabas nodded. "I can't see them but, yes, I was gravely injured. A demon hit me in the face with fire, my eyes were burned and it took some time for them to heal. I helped save the world during that mess, Roxanne and others were involved as well."



"Who was the vampire that preyed on you?" Caleb asked.



"A woman," Barnabas answered. "I didn't know her. Now, please excuse me."





Roxanne extended her hand as he approached their room. She pulled the vampire into the room and shut and locked the door with the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the outside door handle. "You

look better, my love."



"I feel better," Barnabas admitted. "We need to find a way to have blood at the house. I don't want to go down to the Old House and beg a bag off Julia like I'm borrowing a cup of sugar or something."



“What about a small fridge in our room?” Roxanne suggested. “Or in the cellar as long as it's quiet and no one gets curious about the basement? I don't know.”



Barnabas sighed. “We should move into the Old House, shouldn't we?”



“Before Thomas and Julia move out?” Roxanne asked.



“Yes,” Barnabas said. “I know Angelique and Willow and Tara are going to stay there over the winter holidays so we can keep all the vampires from being stumbled upon by the children who are going to be here.”



“Can we get along with Julia and Thomas?”



“I believe I can. You?”



“I can, my love,” Roxanne said softly and kissed him as she leaned against the door. After several moments he pulled back and she smiled. “So amazing.”




XWP Awakenings 09 - Children of Gods 04/25/2021

 Awakenings 09

Children of Gods
a XWP fanfiction

Ms. Hunter Ash

rating: R
pairings: X/G

# # # 

Xena wasn’t surprised when, just before dawn, Hecate sent her hunting in the woods, the blood of life needed for the cross-over ritual into the dreamscape of the soul. Then the warrior was to climb the mountain, to go as high as she could and spend time meditating and purging her soul and mind of her guilt for the day. To eat nothing and drink little. Having some shamanism training from Alti, the meditation and lack of food was normal for a beginning journey, the warrior knew.


The hunt went well, a deer practically standing still for her arrow shot and the warrior made the climb easily. What didn’t come easy was facing her past again. With an irritated growl she threw a small rock bouncing down the cliff as she sat on the edge. How many times would she have to face this, she thought. Then she corrected herself. Had she ever really faced it?


With a sigh the ex-warlord closed her eyes and forced her breath to steady out and let her mind take her back.


By three candlemarks the warrior was bathed in sweat even though it was quite cold on the mountain top. She had completed the chanting and connecting with the spirit of the deer and mixed her blood with that of the animal.


Then the warrior drank the blood and felt herself slipping through the confusing, terrifying and weird space between the worlds and crossing into the dreamscape. Xena turned to face her past.


The warrior saw her childhood, remembered the feelings of being different from the other children of the village and nearby villages. The only one accepting her Lycius, her beloved brother. Her mind forced her to relive their weapons practice, he was the only one that tolerated her desire to learn how to fight. Then the images of going into battle against Cortese, watching her brother fall to an arrow and then to Cortese’s sword. The horrifying sight of her brother’s body being dragged behind a horse, mutilating his body.


The only sign of the warrior’s torment on the outside was a small whimper escaping her lips.


Her mind continued. Xena rallying the men and boys of the village to fight back and avenge their dead. Being bested by Cortese, being abused by him and his men and left for dead. With another whimper Xena watched her younger self swear revenge by her brother’s blood and her own, her eyes flashing, bordering on insanity.


The older warrior wishing she could go back in time and tell the young girl not to accept the hand of the stranger appearing in front of her. The stranger that promised to help her in her revenge, to show her how to fight and conquer the world. Promised her power, enough power so that her violation would never happen again. The young girl had felt the hairs on the back of her neck standing up and sensed that this wasn’t no ordinary mortal and took his hand.


Xena forced her mind to slow down. Always, since giving up the Warlord, her mind tried to travel quickly over the next ten years, blurring the images together. This time the warrior forced her memories to slow down. The battles still blended together but her brutality didn’t. Those who stood in her way, those who had something the Warlord wanted, or those who simply annoyed her - Xena remembered them. Not their names and not many faces but she remembered the tortures, the deaths, the humiliation people suffered at her hands.


Xena could feel the heat of the day, smell the blood and gore, feel the tension on the battlefield. How many battlefields? The cries and screams of the warriors was deafening but the hardest was watching herself. The warrior was forced to watch as the Warlord took delight in the slaughter, in the power of her skills and sword. The maniacal grin and eyes as she took out opponent after opponent. A cleaved skull here, a warrior trying to hold his stomach in place after her sword had ripped it open, another grasping at his throat after her chakram had flown by. The older Xena felt the tears streaming down her face as she walked among the battlefields, seeing the wounded and dead. The warrior in her still knew that sometimes a battle couldn't be avoided but a lot of those on the field were simple farmers that had gotten in the Warlord's way. These weren't soldiers, they were victims. Her victims.


One by one the voices of the dead began to curse and berate her until it was an overwhelming roar in the warrior's ears, sending Xena to her knees, covering her ears in an useless gesture.


Xena closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing, accepting that the voice were right. She let the pain wash over her and through her and the voices disappeared.


Xena then turned to the darkness in her mind and soul. The warrior wasn’t surprised that her mind struggled against her and fought against the resistance. Xena felt a growl deep in her throat and struggled with herself.


Finally the images began coming, trying to rush over her. With more effort she slowed them down until some of the faces came into focus. Then the events took shape and Xena whimpered with shame.


The sight of Amazons impaled on tree limbs, broken bodies, broken limbs. Of Alti’s power crazed face. Xena kept her breathing normal as Alti's voice whispered in her ear, seductive, powerful. Her lure of power was almost more alluring than Ares', the warrior reflected. The warrior's own inherited shamanic talents drew the evil sorceress like a wolf to a wounded lamb. The Amazons had paid for that power, they had become the lambs under Xena's hands and Alti's desires.


Xena let each face appear before her as her astral body shook and cried with regret and shame. She silently begged each for forgiveness as they faded from her sight.


The rush of the blood after a battle, after a slaughter, hit her like a force, knocking her astral body backwards. Sending the warrior to her knees shaking.


The faces of the women and men she herself had brutalized as Warlord, to satisfy her bloodlust after a battle. The barmaids, the female slaves, prostitutes - how many had felt her fist along their jaws and then inside their bodies? How many still carried the scars from her whip or dagger? She knew all of them carried the emotional and mental scars. How many had shed countless tears as they serviced the Warlord, tongues at her sex and shame on their faces at being forced?


Which was worse: the slaughter or the rapes? Xena howled as her guilt overwhelmed her. How could Gabrielle touch her if she ever knew this side of Xena?


Xena fought to maintain control and face the demons. When did she lose the will to live? The ex-Warlord could almost pinpoint when revenge and justice no longer mattered, when all that mattered was power. When did that power become empty? Is that why she brutalized her sexual mates? Was she trying to feel something, anything?


Is that when it all slipped away from her? No, she admitted to herself. It all slipped away when the young girl took the hand of the God of War and welcomed his training and promises.


How many died at her hands merely because she couldn’t feel anything?


Xena felt the tears streaming down her face and released her body and mind, collapsing backwards. Her mind came back to her physical body with a shudder and a scream of grief.


The warrior pulled her fur cloak around her as she curled into a ball and let the tears flow, occasionally smacking the rocks with her fists or palms, trying to release the pain.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The sun was in the afternoon sky when Xena sat up and rubbed a handful of snow over her face. She felt exhausted but knew she wasn’t finished. With a sigh, the warrior sat back up and concentrated on her breathing again. Her body screaming in protest as she pushed the physical aside and went back into her mind, drinking the deer's blood again.


The warrior forced her mind to bring up the memories of that village, of losing control over her army. Xena almost was grateful for the memories of the gauntlet her men had forced her to endure when they threw her out. It wasn’t punishment enough for what she had done. The irony was that they were punishing her for not being brutal enough in those last days. Xena winced at the blows, almost physically remembering them as her younger-self struggled through the line of men intent on killing her.


Then the warrior was remembering how lost she had felt without her men, without the power. Trying to attack Hercules again only to be shown compassion. The older Xena felt a whimper of sympathy for her younger self, running around the countryside, totally lost with herself. No longer the Warlord, no longer with purpose and no longer empty. Instead a feeling of shame and guilt were beginning to gnaw at the warrior, causing more pain than the gauntlet had.


Why had she saved the baby? What did she care anymore? The answer was in the question. If she had to ask the question then the answer was that she did care.


Xena remembered being so scared right then. Nothing made sense anymore, she couldn’t be the Warlord and care about anything. Hercules wanted her to stay with him and work through it. Work through what, the young Warlord demanded.


The guilt had been like a heavy mantle on her shoulders and the warrior was determined to walk away from it. The older Xena now knew how foolish that idea had been. As if burying her weapons and walking away from the Warlord would have changed what Xena was - a warrior.


The very still body of the meditating warrior smiled slightly as the first memory of Gabrielle came into focus. The brave young woman trying to bargain to save the women of her village from slavers, even offering herself in exchange.


Xena forced these memories to go as slow as her painful memories had. To force herself to remember all the good things she had done. How many people had they actually helped along the way to this point? Not just the major events like Cecrops and defeating Bacchus, but just stopping some robbers on the road? Stopping wars and battles? Even saving Joxer’s life a couple of times. That ought to make up for some of the bad stuff, Xena smiled to herself.


Not giving into Ares all those countless times. Always at the center of everything was Gabrielle. Even when the warrior had been forced to travel without her, always waiting for her had been Gabrielle.


Until Perdicus. Xena forced her mind to continue on, wanting to turn away from the painful memories but determined to face everything. Her jealousy over Gabrielle leaving and marrying the soldier. Her pain because Gabrielle had been willing to leave her and her own guilty pain for letting the bard go without telling Gabrielle how she felt.


Her own guilt for not protecting Perdicus from Callisto and the guilt for her relief when he was dead and Gabrielle came back to her. It only helped a little that she now knew that Gabrielle had also felt guilty about the relief the bard also felt over Perdicus’ death.


Then the overwhelming joy when the two women had finally faced each other with the truth about their feelings. Xena couldn’t describe how different her heart felt from the Warlord after she and Gabrielle finally kissed.


The warrior let these memories flow over her and the healing feeling they brought with them. Gabrielle’s smile, her hair shining in the sun. The delight in watching the young teenager turn into a beautiful young woman. The joy in seeing those green eyes go from devotion to love to passion.


Then the mixed feelings and memories of their bonding. Of being accepted by the gods themselves, of being blood bonded, soul bonded for all eternity. The horror of Gabrielle’s poisoning by the Romans and the intense suffering no one could have survived. Even now it was too painful to watch her beloved suffering under the poison. Gabrielle's body twisting and arching in unnatural positions as she screamed in agony. Xena brushed away the tears as her astral body rocked with the pain and the feeling of being helpless.


The time spent beginning to heal only to have Ares mess with their lives again, stealing Xena’s memories of Gabrielle.


The warrior resisted letting her body squirm from those memories. Spending a lust filled night with him made the warrior very uncomfortable to remember but she persisted through the memory. Forcing herself to remember almost killing Gabrielle under Ares’ influence, only the bard forcing her warrior to remember their blood bond saving both of them.


Xena had thought most of their troubles were over then. She mentally bit back on moving away from the next memories, bringing them to the surface.


Her joy and horror at discovering she was pregnant, with a child of Ares. Ack! That hadn’t been easy to deal with. Again it was her bard that saved her, welcoming the child and reassuring the warrior of her love and acceptance. Her joy at Hercules and Iolaus stepping in to lend a hand in getting them out of Greece and Roman territory - away from Ares and Caesar.


Then the day the warrior thought would cause her heart to break, the crippling of her friend Iolaus and the disappearance of Gabrielle for almost two years.


The warrior was horrified to actually be able to see the scene this time, not having been there to help her friend and mate. Xena curled into a small ball as she watched Iolaus fall to the swords and fists of the rogue Romans and Gabrielle fall under her horse, trapped. Xena screamed with Gabrielle as the bandits began hitting and then raping her until she was unconscious.


Xena still marveled at the changes in her little bard when Gabrielle had finally returned to them, a full fledged gladiator and Roman citizen. How good the bard had become at fighting now but still somehow the gentle spirit was still under there.


The memories shifted to Sasha’s birth, the joy in giving life to her daughter mixed with the bitter of Gabrielle not sharing that moment with her and of the death of her German friend Sasha for whom Xena’s daughter was named.


Xena let the feelings of warmth for their adopted Germanic family wash over her in healing and the joy of Gabrielle’s return and rediscovering of their love. The warrior let the recent memories flow a little faster, they were still very fresh in her mind. The crucifixion, her absolute terror as the bard died on the cross, then salvation.


Through it all was Gabrielle, always. Xena realized with a start that not even Solan came close to having that light in her life, maybe not even Sasha. This left Xena with a puzzle of how to feel. She knew she would die for Sasha and Solan, that she would take on the Gods, all of them for her daughter and son. The warrior also knew that Gabrielle would be right there with her without a question or hesitation. Xena also knew that she wouldn’t even consider facing anything ever again without Gabrielle.


With total acceptance the warrior realized that she did trust someone unconditionally and loved someone unconditionally: Gabrielle. When did that happen, she wondered? She had always held back from giving over every bit of herself to someone. Hades, she didn’t give much of anything to anyone before Gabrielle, she amended.


Somehow the small bard had gotten past those walls and now Xena had to accept the fact that she couldn’t live without the bard. She did want to live - both for her children and her mate.


The darkness no longer reached out to claim her for her sins. If she could have a love like Gabrielle’s in her life then the darkness couldn’t control her any more. Xena admitted that she had friends, true friends and family now. Something the Warlord never could. Her mind went back to her body.


As Xena stretched her cold and stiff body she sighed heavily and smiled.


The Warlord was truly dead.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Xena wasn't surprised to see Cyrene and Hecate waiting for her when she returned to the cave just after dark but she was surprised to see Gabrielle there. The bard grinned and rushed into her lover's arms, holding Xena tightly. Xena raised her eyebrows in question over the bard's head at Hecate, who now looked more like an older Cyrene.


"You are blood bound together and you trust her unconditionally, she will be your anchor on your next journey."


Xena frowned and pulled back to look into Gabrielle's face. "If something goes wrong you could be pulled in with me."


"I know, Hecate explained that to me. Do you even need to ask?" Gabrielle smiled and Xena shook her head, drawing the bard back into her arms.


"No," Xena responded, kissing her mate gently. "What happens now?" she asked Hecate and her mother.


"You have done well, Xena. Now to reach the gift you must pierce the darkness I rule and grab it."


"Not just your usual wave of the hand blessing?" Xena grinned.


"No, these are serious, your own bard had to die for hers."


Gabrielle pulled out of Xena's arms. "What?" she demanded, turning to the goddess. "What are you talking about?"


"Hmmm, I see your father hasn't talked to you yet. You'll have to trust me, warrior bard, and wait till I'm done with your mate," Hecate said gently.


Xena spotted the clinching of Gabrielle's jaw and waited to see which would win out, her bard's stubbornness or her logic. The warrior knew how much Gabrielle hated mysteries, especially about herself. Finally, Gabrielle nodded acceptance but her eyes told everyone there they had better have explanations for her when they were done.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Cyrene and Hecate set up comfortable bedding for the two younger women to lay on and then Hecate drew several small vials and pouches of herbs out and began mixing them together with the blood from the deer. Gabrielle swallowed with a shudder as the goddess worked.


Cyrene sat next to her daughter as they chanted and began the meditations for crossing over.


“What’s in the cup besides blood?” Gabrielle asked.


“Several hallucinogenic herbs and some poisonous ones. Xena will come close to dying permanently, only the strength of her spirit and love for you and her children will keep that from happening,” Hecate answered simply.


Xena sat down on the bedding and smiled at her mate, trying to look reassuring. Gabrielle raised her eyebrows in a disbelieving gesture and grinned.


Cyrene sat on one side of the couple and Hecate knelt at the other. Cyrene, the priestess, pulled the dagger off the altar and Xena held her left hand out and her mother quickly cut a line across Xena’s palm. Hecate quickly caught the blood in the cup with the other mixture. Then Gabrielle held out her hand and Cyrene repeated the motion and Gabrielle’s blood mixed into the cup as well. Xena reached out and grasped her mate’s hand, once again mingling their blood.


“Seems we do this a lot,” Gabrielle smiled and Xena smiled back and then grew serious.


“You’re my tie to this world, don’t let go of me.”


“Never,” the bard answered strongly.


Xena reached and accepted the cup from Hecate. The warrior hesitated a moment.


“Love is always the answer, my daughter, even in the darkness.” Hecate spoke calmly and Xena drained the cup.


Gabrielle resisted the panic that tried to grab her as Xena’s eyes rolled back in her head and the warrior’s body began to shake uncontrollably. The bard’s eyes quickly sought Hecate’s blue ones to find her seemingly unconcerned. Cyrene looked concerned but unmoving. Gabrielle tightened her grip as Xena’s hand relaxed in hers.


Cyrene leaned forward and helped lay her daughter’s body down on the bedding.


“Relax and close your eyes, Gabrielle. Lie next to her and let her feel your strength,” Hecate ordered. The bard quickly shifted her body to lie next to her warrior and closed her eyes.


Gabrielle suddenly felt like her world was spinning, even with her eyes closed. She resisted thrashing out, determined to hang on to Xena’s hand.


Gabrielle opened her eyes to find the sky a strange shade of blue and the trees were gray. The bard sat up and looked around slowly and saw Xena turning over and looking at her with astonishment.


“Gabrielle! What happened!?” the warrior demanded as she quickly scrambled next to the bard.


“I don’t know I closed my eyes and I was here, wherever that is!”


“Relax, children. You will face this together,” Hecate’s voice whispered to them.


“No! I don’t want her here!” Xena yelled at the air.


“Why?” Gabrielle demanded as they climbed to their feet.


“It’s dangerous enough on the other side being connected to this realm, being here is ten times more dangerous. This place can get rough,” Xena tried to explain.


“What’s the matter, Xena, afraid of what she’ll see?”


Gabrielle was stunned to see her mate’s eyes go wide with a touch of .... of fear? The warrior spun on her heels quickly, drawing her sword in a swift motion. Gabrielle peeked around her mate to see who was speaking.


Standing with her legs in a wide stance about 50 yards away was a woman in Northern Amazon Shaman garb, totally in black with a headpiece of leather, beads and bones. She was older than Xena but it was hard to determine her age, Gabrielle decided.


The bard felt a chill at the look on the woman’s face and the madness in her eyes. Somehow this woman felt even more dangerous than Ares at his worst. Xena’s reaction didn’t reassure the bard.


The warrior let loose with one of her famous war cries and leaped into the air, somersaulting several times and landing right in front of the other woman, bringing her sword down on the seemingly unarmed figure in front of her.


Before the sword could strike the woman raised her hand and struck Xena in the chest. The bard was stunned when the light touch sent her mate flying backwards to land at her feet. Xena shook her head and regained her feet. Gabrielle drew out her sais in a defensively stance.


“Alti, what do you want?” Xena demanded.


The woman laughed and pointed her hand again and both warrior and bard found themselves at the base of some of the trees. Gabrielle groaned and shook her head, glancing over and saw Xena wincing as she stood up again.


“That’s Alti?” Gabrielle asked as the woman called Alti laughed at them.


“Alti, a sorceress from the Northern Amazons. She’s pure evil,” Xena said grimly, eyes narrowing.


“Oh, Xena, I’m hurt. Surely you give me more credit than I deserve. After all, I think you’ve killed countless more people than I have,” Alti protested with a smile.


With a wave of her hand the warrior went flying backwards again, landing hard, Xena’s eyes flashed as she regained her feet.


Gabrielle joined her mate as they approached cautiously and then separated, each approaching slowly, weapons drawn.


“At least I never tried to destroy their souls except through you.”


“Xena, maybe you’re not giving yourself enough credit. Have you told your Amazon Queen what you did to the Amazons of the North?”


Gabrielle saw Xena stop dead in her tracks, her jaw tightening. Xena felt a growl coming from her chest and exploded into a scream of rage as Alti laughed at her reaction. Once again the warrior launched herself into the air. Gabrielle quickly released one of her sais, hoping to gain a hit while the sorceress was detracted by Xena.


Alti flicked her hand and sent the sais flying back towards its owner. Gabrielle yelped and ducked as it came within a hairs width of her head. Xena found herself facing Gabrielle with Alti’s hand at her throat, her sword on the ground. Alti began squeezing and Xena’s eyes went wide with the realization that she couldn’t move her arms or legs in defense.


The bard screamed and rushed them, tackling both of them, freeing Xena from Alti’s grip. With the quickness of her gladiator skills, the bard buried her sais deep into Alti’s throat and stumbled backwards off the sorceress and almost over Xena as the sorceress laughed at her. Xena and Gabrielle regained their feet together as the shaman rose to her feet and removed the sais. She looked at the weapon with appreciation and then it melted like wax in her hand.


“Xena, I think we’re in trouble,” Gabrielle said softly.


“Uh huh,” the warrior agreed.