A Visit Home, An Awakening, Part I
Hunter Ash
ripperbard7@...
Old fashioned rating: this part PG13
Disclaimers: the usual rundown - I don’t own
Xena, Gabrielle, Argo or Gabrielle’s family. This story is written for
entertainment purposes and no copyright infringement is intended. Don’t
bother suing me - it really wouldn’t be worth it.
Sex/Subtext: yup and it’s between two consenting adults of the same gender
Violence: nope, just thoughts of throwing someone through a window but our warrior is patient for once.
Summary: A “first time” story with Xena and
Gabrielle visiting Gabrielle’s family and the relationship between them
being forced to the surface.
Pairing: Xena/Gabrielle
Gabrielle had finally broken away from her
mother and her endless questions. The bard was tired and irritable. She
and Xena had been at Gabrielle’s home for two days and nights and the
bard was more than ready to leave.
As she slowly walked around the house,
heading for the barn, she stopped. The little Amazon realized that she
was more than ready to leave, in more ways than one. Gabrielle stood
looking at the barn door, as if trying to make a decision. The bard
nodded to herself and changed direction, heading for the pen that held
the goats, picking up the food bucket, as she moved.
Unknown to Gabrielle, her mother Hecuba was
standing at the kitchen window watching her daughter and reading the
young woman’s body language with a frown. The older woman was well aware
that Xena was in the barn attending to her horse, Argo and now
Gabrielle was moving away from the barn.
The last two days had been tense and it was
tearing at Hecuba to see her daughter withdrawn and obviously upset. No
matter what questions the worried mother asked, she wasn’t getting any
answers from her daughter. The bard’s mother could sense that Gabrielle
was at a crossroads.
Gabrielle was also wondering the same thing, as she fed the goats.
The bard would have also used the
description of a crossroads to describe her thought process. It just
seemed time for decisions and Gabrielle was not thrilled with any of the
choices or paths. The blond unconsciously brushed a hair back from her
forehead and reflected again on how tired she was. Countless nights of
fitful sleep, long days spent feeling tense, were beginning to take a
toll on the small woman. She was tired and she was tired of being tired.
She was also tired of being frustrated.
If Hecuba were a little closer she would see
a familiar setting of the bard’s jaw. The bard replaced the bucket and
headed for the barn.
Argo nudged the warrior when Xena’s hand
stopped brushing the horse, the warrior lost in thought. Xena smiled at
her horse and continued the brushing and talking.
“It’s probably a good thing you can’t talk
back, girl. You’d probably tell me I’m an idiot too. Gods, this is
hard.” Xena leaned her head forward and buried her face in Argo’s mane
for a moment.
She hated visiting Gabrielle’s family.
Gabrielle’s father barely tolerated the warrior and the bard’s mother
kept trying to play matchmaker for her runaway daughter. Lila,
Gabrielle’s little sister, was filled with questions, almost as curious
about things as her older sister. Each family member seemed determined
to drive the usually stoic warrior out of her mind.
Gabrielle had finally suggested that Xena
see to Argo for awhile so she could help her mother with lunch. Xena had
quickly seized the opportunity and almost dashed out the door, leaving
the bard to fend for herself and now Xena was feeling guilty about that
too.
Gabrielle opened the door slowly and slipped
inside, not surprised to see her best friend Xena tending to Argo.
Earlier the bard had given the warrior an easy out by suggesting that
Xena look in on Argo and escape the bard’s mother’s endless questioning.
Gabrielle was surprised that Xena hadn’t
heard her come in; this was highly unusual, and the bard decided to take
advantage of it, standing a moment, watching Xena brush Argo’s coat and
mane. The bard felt a familiar heat beginning in her loins and
spreading throughout her body, as she watched the warrior’s muscles
rippling with each long brush stroke. Gabrielle quickly fought her
heartbeat back to a more regular rhythm.
“Gods, Argo, I have to be more patient. I
can’t strangle her father, I can’t strangle her father, I can’t strangle
her father.” Xena whispered, resuming her brushing.
The fierce warrior spun around rapidly on
her heels, face blushing bright red when she heard a giggle behind her.
She tried to stammer something out when she caught Gabrielle’s green
eyes laughing at her. The young bard was holding her ribs, trying not to
fall to the floor laughing. Xena tried glaring at her friend and that
only succeeded in making the blond laugh even harder. Gabrielle finally
caught her breath and closed the barn door.
“Gods, Xena. Don’t you think I feel the same
way!?” she giggled, watching the warrior resume brushing the horse with
a scowl on her face. .
“I know, sorry I left you alone in there.” Xena mumbled.
The battle scarred warrior was surprised but
pleased when Gabrielle’s arms circled around her and she found herself
in a tight hug.
“It’s okay, I figured I had to get you out of there before you threw him through the window.” the bard giggled again.
Xena was very aware of how hot she suddenly
was. As her breath began to quicken, the warrior found herself closing
her eyes and leaning back into the embrace.
Gabrielle leaned into the warrior, relishing
the scent that was uniquely Xena: leather, soap root, and musk. With a
start, the bard realized she was rubbing her face against Xena’s leather
top and holding the warrior tight. A roaring filled her ears and she
felt her entire body flush with heat.
The warrior suddenly realized that she was
about to turn and take the bard in her arms and kiss the small woman.
She straightened up and felt Gabrielle’s arms leave her.
Gabrielle quickly backed up out of the hug, trying to catch her breath.
Xena kept from whimpering but only from
years of self-taught control. Then, when she thought she could face
Gabrielle, she turned.
Looking deep in Gabrielle’s eyes, the
warrior almost lost all that control but managed to hold firm. Gabrielle
seemed just as lost in the moment as both seemed frozen in place.
The barn door slammed open, breaking the
spell between the two women and both blinked in the sunlight and
intrusion. Lila rushed in with a frustrated look on her face.
“There you two are! Lunch time!” and she was gone again.
Xena noticed Gabrielle blushing, eyes downcast and stammering. “I... we should go in.”
“Uh huh.” Xena agreed. Gabrielle quickly
turned and was gone after her sister, leaving a stunned warrior holding a
brush with a puzzled look on her face.
“Argo,” she whispered, “what just happened?”
Lila grabbed her older sister’s arm,
stopping the bard, looking back at the barn door and realizing that Xena
wasn’t stepping through immediately, Lila turned to Gabrielle.
“Well?” she demanded.
“Well what?”
“Did you tell her how you feel?” the youngster snapped.
“No, of course not! I’ve told you, she
doesn’t care for me like that!” Gabrielle snapped back, beginning to
walk back to the house again. Lila caught up with her sister.
“Looks like it to me!” Lila protested.
“We sleep under the same blankets every
night, I’m in her arms every night, we eat together, bathe together,
sleep together and she hasn’t shown any interest in me sexually. She
thinks I’m a kid.” Gabrielle complained.
“I think you’re both hooked and won’t admit it to each other!”
“Glad you think so, I’m the one living with
this!” Gabrielle stopped dead in the middle of the common yard and
glared at Lila. “It’s torture, Lila. My body and soul ache just to touch
her. I almost just kissed her!”
“Do it! What can you lose?”
“My best friend and I couldn’t live with that.” Gabrielle whispered.
Xena kicked at a non-existent pebble as she
walked back towards the family home. She was confused and that always
made her grumpy. She hated not being in control and the one thing she
was NOT in control of was her feelings towards her best friend. Xena
didn’t know when she had fallen totally in love with the bard but she
had finally admitted it, at least to herself. To no one else, of course.
Well, Argo didn’t count, she thought with a sarcastic smile.
The problem was that she knew the bard
wasn’t interested in women sexually and only thought of Xena as her best
friend. It was beginning to drive the warrior crazy. With the cool fall
weather they were spending every night under the same blankets, the
bard in Xena’s arms. The warrior had lost count of how many nights she
had lain awake with the blond sleeping peacefully in her arms. Xena
didn’t know how many times she had leaned down and kissed the bard
softly on the hair, the forehead and finally the lips, careful not to
wake the young woman. Every muscle and fiber of her being wanting to
take the bard and make love to her.
It was becoming more and more of a
distraction. Xena found herself thinking of the blonde every other
minute. Gabrielle’s hair shining in the sun; the movement of Gabrielle’s
well toned body as she dried her hair and body after a swim or bath was
enough to almost bring tears to the warrior’s eyes in frustration;
Gabrielle’s muscles rippling as she practiced with her staff; the
thoughts of the bard’s hands as the young woman slowly removed her boots
at night; the contented sigh she always gave when she settled into
Xena’s arms. Xena smacked a house pillar, hoping to distract herself,
somehow.
‘Some self-punishment streak,’ the warrior decided, admitting that she was torturing herself slowly.
No one seemed to notice that Gabrielle was
quiet during lunch, something really unusual for the young woman. Her
mother had noticed the dark circles under her daughter’s eyes and had
commented on it several times with a disapproving click of her tongue,
eyes glaring at the warrior.
Gabrielle clenched her jaw, the familiar
setting that warned most anyone who knew her that she was tense and her
infamous stubborn streak was about to show itself. The bard looked over
and saw Xena concentrating on her food, her jaw also clenched. Gabrielle
was confused. At times, Hecuba questioned her about the men she met,
wondering if there were any she was interested in and then her mother
would turn around and ask detailed questions about Xena, as if sizing up
a potential mate for Gabrielle.
The bard knew that her father could barely
stand having the warrior around but tolerated her so that he could see
Gabrielle. The bard knew that he still blamed Xena for his daughter
running off to the road, following the warrior woman and pursuing the
dream of being a bard. Hecuba was more receptive of the warrior, but
uncomfortable at the same time. Gabrielle wanted to scream.
Xena clenched her jaw again. She too had
noticed Gabrielle wasn’t sleeping well lately and had done everything
she could think of to help her bard but she was at a loss as to what to
do and having Gabrielle’s mother point out her failing didn’t help
Xena’s mood any.
“Are you sure you’re all right, Gabrielle?” her mother asked again.
“I’m fine!” the bard snapped.
“Hey, don’t talk to your mother in that tone, young lady!” Herdoctus threatened, pointing a finger at his oldest daughter.
“I’m just worried about you,” Hecuba said softly.
“I’m fine, Mother.”
“You could visit your mother a little more
often! You act as if you don’t care about her feelings. Leaving here
with only a brief note!” Herdoctus’ voice began to rise.
“Traveling around, putting yourself in danger, of course she’s worried!”
“Stop it, both of you! I’m fine, I’m doing
what I want to be doing! Can’t you let it alone?” Before tears could
escape the green eyes, the bard had jumped up and rushed out through the
kitchen.
Xena knew that visiting her parents had been bothering Gabrielle but now she could see it was also wearing on the bard’s nerves.
Lila kept her eyes fixed on her food and Gabrielle’s parents faces were bright red.
Xena stood up slowly, “I think I’ll take
Argo out for a ride, excuse me.” she carried her dishes to the kitchen
and looked out the back door. She frowned when she didn’t see her bard
anywhere in sight. She sighed, hoping to find the young woman in the
stable, knowing Xena would follow but she was disappointed not to find
Gabrielle there.
Xena began feeding Argo an apple and tired to sort things out, especially her feelings.
Gabrielle hit the back door running, and didn’t stop
until she was through the fields and running by a stream. The bard
finally collapsed beside a familiar old oak, gasping for air and trying
not to cry.
The bard sank further to the ground with her
back to the tree, welcoming the shade and the soothing sound of the
water rushing by over the rocks. She crossed her arms over her knees and
rested her head. It was then that she finally let loose and began
crying.
After awhile the tears had finally slowed down and she leaned back against the tree. She closed her eyes and let her body relax.
“You know you were always my favorite tree
when I was a kid,” she said simply to the tree behind her. “You always
listened and you never told another soul of my doubts, my dreams, my
fears or my pain. I’m glad you’re still here, old friend.”
“Gabrielle?” a tentative voice questioned.
The bard opened her eyes and smiled at her
younger sister standing nearby. “Hey,” she answered and motioned her
sibling to sit down with her.
“Hey,” Lila sat down looking around. “I come here when Dad gets angry.”
“Was my favorite spot when I was home.” Gabrielle said with a smile.
“Want to talk?” Lila picked up a rock, and tossed it into the stream.
“Yeah, I need to talk to someone.” Gabrielle hesitated, “I’m leaving tonight.”
“I didn’t know you two were leaving until tomorrow.”
“I’m leaving alone.” the bard whispered.
“What? Without Xena?!” Lila demanded, and saw Gabrielle’s eyes filling with tears.
“Yes, I can’t take it any longer!” Again the
bard’s control broke and Lila took her bigger sister into her arms and
held Gabrielle while she cried once again. “I love her so much but I
can’t keep going the way it is and I can’t stay here!”
“Where will you go?”
“Athens, I was accepted into the Academy there once, they’ll have me again.”
“You can’t leave Xena, you two are just right for each other.” Lila protested.
“I can’t live like this!” the bard cried and Lila held her close.
Xena had only taken Argo out for a short
romp through the countryside, taking it easy on the horse. The warrior
knew if she released her feelings and translated them to the horse they
might end up in Athens before Xena could think straight again.
She had come back before dusk, knowing the
family would be expecting her for dinner and discussion afterwards. The
last thing she wanted to face was another meal and discussion with
Gabrielle’s family but she didn’t want the bard to think Xena was
avoiding her as well. Again she had frowned when Gabrielle wasn’t in the
stable or nearby waiting for Xena. Usually the bard sought her out when
she needed comforting but lately the woman had been withdrawn and more
quiet than usual.
Xena was wondering if Gabrielle was changing
her mind about leaving the road. Was her parent’s arguments getting to
the bard? She had left Xena once for marriage, for a simpler life and
the warrior wondered if the bard was craving that again but struggling
against her family’s overbearing wishes.
The two sisters made their way back to the
farm when it started getting close to dinner time. Lila hurried off to
feed and water the pack horse, while Gabrielle started towards the
kitchen to help her mother with final dinner preparations.
The bard was puzzled to find the kitchen
empty and voices, from the common room. She moved across the room and
started to open the door and stopped at the tone of her father’s voice.
She knew that tone and it chilled her to the bone. If Gabrielle had been
fifteen she would have crept back out the door and headed right back to
her favorite oak tree, maybe to even spend the night in its welcoming
branches, but she wasn’t and she was determined not to be afraid any
longer.
“She can’t leave here again! It’s time she settled down and gave us grandchildren!” he snapped.
Gabrielle moved closer to the door and opened it a crack, listening with her jaw beginning to clench.
“You can’t keep her here, Herdoctus. She’s not a farmer and she’s a grown woman.” Hecuba protested.
“You going against my wishes?” he hissed.
“No, of course not!” her mother’s voice held
a familiar tone: fear. Gabrielle almost opened the door to throw her
father through the window, but held tight.
“I thought this mess was behind us when she
married Perdicus, but, not! Because of that damned warlord bitch, he
goes and gets killed and our daughter takes up with that war-bitch
again!” he yelled.
“It wasn’t Xena’s fault he died! It was that madwoman, Callisto.”
Gabrielle’s head was roaring and her eyes
were hazing over with red. She could feel her body trembling with the
rage that was building inside of her.
\\\\\\
Part 2
Xena had decided to enter through the
kitchen, the door being the closest to the barn area when she stopped
suddenly and ducked back out the door as she spotted Gabrielle standing
by the door separating the kitchen from the living area of the house.
Xena dared a glance around and saw her bard was listening at the door
and Xena held her breath. The body language of the younger woman was
readable even in the twilight. The bard was furious.
Gabrielle’s fists were clenched, one at her
side and the other on the door jam as she listened at the door. Xena was
surprised to see the bard’s body trembling and she recognized the
stubborn set of Gabrielle’s jaw. Whenever Xena saw that familiar
clenching she knew that she was in for an explosion or an unbending
bard. Xena knew people called her stubborn but most of them had never
gone up against Gabrielle once the smaller woman had set her mind to
something. Xena smiled to herself, even the Conqueror of Nations gave in
before her little bard.
Xena’s curiosity was more than intense and
she quietly left the doorway and made her way around to the window on
just the other side of the doorway of where Gabrielle was listening. She
wanted to know what was causing Gabrielle such distress.
“I still say it’s not right!” her father was saying loudly, Xena presumed to Gabrielle’s mother.
“I agree. Who will have her when she finally
decides to settle down? After traveling with that she-demon! We were
fortunate that Perdicus still wanted her, but he had been a soldier,
after all.” the voice of Gabrielle’s mother reached the warrior and she
found herself seeing red.
Then Xena sagged against the wall and sat
down with her back to it. She could still hear everything but her
strength seemed to have fled.
Were they right? What man would want to
settle with Gabrielle after being with Xena, one of the most feared
warriors in the land. One of the most feared women warriors of the land? Was she cutting off Gabrielle’s future?
“You know what they are saying about our daughter?” her father demanded.
“Don’t,” her mother’s voice pleaded.
“You know what that stupid merchant said last week? Before he knew who I was?!” the father’s voice was loud and angry.
“Please don’t, I don’t want to hear it. We hear good stories about them, too,” her mother protested.
“Oh yes, the good that they do, rescuing people, doing good deeds but this is about the two of them together!” he raged.
“Don’t!”
“They actually think our daughter lies with that demon!” he ranted.
“Stop it!” her mother’s voice went shrill.
Gabrielle felt a growl beginning in her throat.
“I agree it’s time to stop this!” Gabrielle
threw the door open and stormed into the common room, facing her father
and mother, hands clenched and jaw muscles twitching. The bard felt like
she could spit fire, at the moment.
Xena’s head snapped up at the sound of her
bard’s voice, sharp and calm but Xena could hear the tension undertones,
but the warrior didn’t dare risk a glance through the window, Gabrielle
was probably right in the doorway across from her.
Xena’s heart skipped a beat and she nearly
died when Lila crawled around the corner. Then the little sister
signaled the warrior to keep quiet and crawled along the walkway to join
the warrior. She smiled and placed a finger on Xena’s lips and pointed
to the window. Xena understood what Lila was saying, that she did this
often. Xena blushed a deep purple at having been busted spying on her
best friend’s family and then having Gabrielle’s sister join her in that
spying.
Gods, this was complicated!
“Gabrielle, please, we .... we....” her mother’s voice stammered.
“Yes, I know, just discussing my future and
your concern for me.” Xena could almost see Gabrielle’s clenched jaw and
she saw Lila’s eyes were wide and curious. “Yes, mother, I know. What
you both need to get through your heads is that I am where I want to be!
I don’t care what anyone thinks about me! I don’t care what they
whisper! And I especially don’t care what some idiot farmer thinks about
my marriage potential!” Gabrielle’s voice finally rose to a shout.
“But you’ll want to marry someday!” her father protested.
“I want to get married now!” the bard
snapped and wished she could take back the words. This was not where she
wanted the conversation to go but now it was too late.
Xena’s heart sank and her head dropped forward.
“You do? To whom? Do we know him?” her mother’s voice was excited.
“Yes, you know who I want for my bond-mate
but it’s not going to happen.” Gabrielle muttered, trying to fight back
tears. Xena and Lila barely caught the words.
“What? Why not? Aren’t you good enough?” her father demanded.
“It’s not like that, Father. I am in love, so deeply in love that no one else will ever touch my heart like this again, ever.”
“Oh, Gabrielle, then what’s the problem?” her mother wailed.
Lila rolled her eyes at her mother’s tone
and Xena growled. Who could Gabrielle be talking about? Not Perdicus,
could she? Was she still silently grieving that much?
“She doesn’t realize it.” Gabrielle said simply and steeled herself for the next blow, whether physical or verbal.
“She?” Gabrielle’s father, mother and Xena
all asked in the same moment, fortunately Xena had whispered her
question. Lila’s eyes were as wide as saucers. Xena’s heart began to
pound almost loud enough to keep her from hearing the rest of the
conversation.
“What!? It’s true? You do bed that demon!?” her father demanded.
“That’s enough! Right now! You say another
word against Xena and you’ll never talk to me again! No, I don’t have
sex with her. I sleep with her but we only share the same space but that
doesn’t mean I don’t want to!”
“Gabrielle, you want.....” her mother’s
voice broke and Xena could hear the woman begin to cry. Xena herself was
stunned. Gabrielle wanted her? Was she hearing right? Was this a weird
nightmare sent by Morpheus?
“Yes, Mother. I want her. Not just sexually
but.... oh gods, talking relationships with your parents is not my idea
of a good time.” the bard muttered. “I love her, do you understand? I
want her as my mate, totally - emotionally, spiritually, physically,
everything. She doesn’t want me in that way, though.” Gabrielle wiped an
angry tear away.
“I can’t believe this! You want to travel
around, fighting all the time, putting yourself in danger just to bed a
woman?!” her father demanded.
“No! I travel with Xena not only because I
love her but because of the good we do. I will be content to spend the
rest of my life with her and not touch her, if necessary! She is the
best person I’ve ever met, damnit!” Xena heard Gabrielle smack her hand
on the table with a frustrated growl.
Lila was looking at the warrior with wide eyes. “You didn’t know?” she whispered.
Xena shook her head and dropped her eyes.
“You love her like that?” Lila whispered and Xena nodded.
Lila reached out and hit the warrior on the arm, hard. Xena looked up.
“That’s for making her wait.” the young teen hissed and then cocked her ears to listen.
“Why doesn’t she want you?” Gabrielle’s mother asked.
“She doesn’t, all right.” Gabrielle muttered.
“You haven’t told her?”
“What do you mean, asking her that? You
approve?” her father’s voice was shrill and Gabrielle wanted to shove
him through the door.
Xena resisted the urge to rush in and grab the man by the throat and throw him out the window.
“I don’t know. I want her to be happy.” her mother protested.
“Happy? How can she be happy with a female
warrior? How can she be happy fighting for her life all the time? Just
traveling with Xena will get her killed. You know what we’ve heard. How
many times have you been attacked just traveling the road?”
“None of your business!” Gabrielle snapped. “I would spend an eternity in Tartarus just to be with her!”
“Gabrielle, don’t say that!” her mother’s voice was horrified.
Xena was stunned, surprised at the depth of the feelings the bard was voicing about her.
“It’s true! She came back from the dead for
me and we aren’t even lovers.” Gabrielle fought back from having her
voice break, from the tears that were filling her eyes.
Lila started to ask questions but Xena held a finger up to her lips.
“I forbid this! It’s not natural! It’s not right!” her father yelled.
“Oh shut up, Father. Who says it’s not
natural, even the gods share their beds with someone of the same sex.”
Gabrielle suddenly felt weary. She could sense that her father was
losing his steam of anger, and she felt hers draining away as well. The
bard was also wondering why she was arguing with her parents about this
and explaining everything? She wouldn’t be with Xena, soon anyway.
Xena could hear the weariness in Gabrielle’s voice and ached to hold the young woman in her arms, anything to comfort her.
“Family, how can you have a family with
her?” Xena sensed that the bard’s father was losing his hold on the
argument and searching for any ammunition to use.
“Who says we can’t have children and we
can’t raise them? Besides, all that assumes that we’re lovers. We’re not
and it’s killing me!” Gabrielle’s voice cracked and Xena heard the
kitchen door slam and then the outer door. Xena sat against the wall,
still stunned.
Lila punched her in the arm again and
motioned for Xena to follow her. When they had gotten away from the
house Lila turned and punched the warrior again. Xena’s eyes narrowed,
she had let the teenager hit her enough, thank you.
“You two are so damned stubborn!” Lila
yelled at her and looked like she was going to hit the warrior again.
Xena held up her hand warningly.
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